Fate?

Back when I was younger my dreams were complex and would often center on me somehow saving the world. In my little mind I needed to prove that because I was female didn’t mean that I couldn't be strong and noble, I wanted to do the same activities that men did, I wanted to b good enough. I wanted to be a singer of great wealth and notoriety adding to that I wanted to be a policewoman and...and...and.

As I aged my dreams became a little less complex, a little less of everything, a little less of me proving myself to others. they became a little more centered, a little more ordered. Throughout my whole life one part of my simple dream never failed to excite my simple heart. It never faltered in making me want to sore and show my gifts, it never made me feel less than talented even when I was being told that I couldn’t possibly do this and make a living out of it. I sang, I sing, not for anyone in particular most times to a song on the radio.

It calms me, I no longer see myself wealthy with my voice paving the way for others like me. I see myself singing to small children in a classroom somewhere teaching them how to spell, or someday maybe far from now singing lullabies to my children.

It’s not my main dream it’s just kind of incorporated it’s self into my life, manifesting itself into my work a day schedule. Now my dreams are different, they are so much simpler than my dreams of childhood; no more worrier princess, with a little bit of Amazon, and a pinch of business woman tied in for good measure.

Now all I want to do is write and read anything and everything I can. I want to know and teach and inspire and if I get to sing along the way, May whoever guides my life pave that path into my now simple world.

Let these words be my song.

In light of all that has happened in my youth, in the dawn of my adulthood I find that just maybe my simple dreams, my simple pleasures, my simple hopes, my simple gifts, can be beacons for those who might not have the simplicities of my life.

I wonder if my dreams and hopes for a simpler stronger world, tower over their complex dreams; I wonder if maybe they try for a less time consuming goal, that they can see that running and running and running isn’t the answer.

Maybe my song can be a song that speaks to someone else, and they can add their verses. Maybe someone else’s dream can do the same, and one day all life will be as simple as mine.

As I grow I notice one thing; complex dreams stand in the way of beautiful sunsets, breathtaking oceans, heart warming family moments, and the simplicities of life. I wonder if we stop and watch the simple things in life, will we see that we run to fast and forget that there is a common voice; a common song, and I wonder if maybe my simple dream from my childhood is the song that we all share, but in the process of growing up, our childhood worlds stood still.

In light of all that has happened in the past year, I find that I value more and more my simple life, and my simple song.
(Wednesday, September 18, 2002 This was written right after September 11th first anniversary)