The long journey to an old plan...

As I prepare myself for the new journey I am about to take I have given myself time to see where it is I need to be…I have taken time to reflect. And although I watch the world around me crumble I stand in awe of the fact that it is crumbling and I am not, it is falling and I am remaining strong on my rock content with just the little bit of land that I have.

My friends tell me that I lack the vision of myself that they see of me, and they are right on most levels. My baby sister says that I never take time for me, and she is correct. The choices that I am currently making are for me, completely one hundred and fifty percent for me.

I don’t like to be a burden on people, but I feel that I am…and I don’t like to fall, and lately that’s all I have seemed to do. But what I hate most is setting myself so high in my mind that when I fail to complete or follow through with the task I hurt myself.

Funny how God has stopped me from going down the path that I have been on before, now I will not kill myself to be perfect, because I am not perfect. I will not change myself because people think that I should. I will not follow God’s path because everyone wants me to…it will be my choice to hear what is his guidance.

What is this journey that I am going to be starting?

It’s my original plan: before I was side tracked by love, or heartache, or parents, or friends. The plan in which my talents were my dreams, how funny does that sound? At one point in time I loved my gifts that God gave me, but then I became what everyone wanted and I didn’t want them anymore.

I know that it sounds selfish to not share what I can do, or as a friend pointed out…I am trying to hard to hide them so others will see what else I can do that I have stopped to realized that the very things I don’t want recognition for go hand and hand with what I want to be known for.

That’s a Wow if I ever heard one; the way I took it was almost a slap in the face, at first. Then I thought about it, and wondered and reflected and realized that he was right. That the very things I do without even meaning to are the things that tie in with what I work so hard at, and I am not so much wasting them as being selfish with them. I am really good a sharing so why won’t I share my gifts, the things that are me to the core of my being? The very things that make me exactly who I am?

They are so much me that I don’t have a story in which my talents are somehow tied into it? Didn’t God make everyone different and special? I asked myself and the answer is yes he did. So what are you doing? I asked myself again, and the only answer I had was…to stop having those gifts…that’s not even close to being possible so now the question is this…

When will I take time for me?

Now.

I know that I have said that before but, I have found me doing things for me that I would have never had done. That other’s who know me really well are shocked that I am doing. Isn’t that a start?

I am making choices and I am not asking anyone’s advice, I don’t want anyone to be the deciding factor in my choices….except God. I love that I am remembering how to be me while being strong.

And, yes, I will ask for help when I need it…I am learning that I can’t do it all on my own either.

BUT, the original plan has been set in motion…and after I reflected I found that I didn’t really stray off my path…I just took the long way around.